quiz time!
One word…
1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/S.O.? none
3. Your hair? up
4. Your mother? nice
5. Your father? enigmatic
6. Your favorite item? laptop
7. Your dream last night? insomnia
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream car? mini
10. The room you are in? tiny’s
11. Your ex? annoying
12. Your fear? rejection
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? me
14. Who did you hang out with last night? shmennifer
15. What you’re not? sober
19. The last thing you did? drink
20. What are you wearing? wifebeater
22. Your favorite book? morrow
23. The last thing you ate? yesterday
24. Your life? erratic
25. Your mood? okay
26. Your friends? omnipresent
27. What are you thinking about right now? quiz
28. Your car? sold
29. What are you doing at the moment? this
30. Your summer? optimistic
31. Your relationship status? hopeful
32. What is on your tv? nonexistent
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? tuesday
35. School? done
Eating nachos with Hussy
Have you ever had one of those moments where an invisible key turns, and you suddenly just figure out another person? I think that just happened, and I haven’t even met the guy.
“You look happy.”
“Yeah, I just told off R. I don’t get it. Whenever we hang out together, everything is great and we have a nice time, but then he’ll be alone and he suddenly gets all crappy and weird. I told him that he would have to seriously grovel and kiss my ass if he ever wants to see me again.”
“Hey, good for you.”
“Well, then he called me up a half hour later. He was all apologetic, said that he was really sorry and wants to keep seeing me. I told him maybe.”
“It’s about time you took that attitude.”
“Oh, and get a load of this. He told me that he was horny.”
“wwhat?”
“Yeah, I was all, ‘No way I’m letting you come over tonight.’ He said ‘I know, I was just hoping you’d, like, take that as a compliment, you know.’ What’s that all about?”
“Wait. Wait. I got it. He’s into this.”
“whaaat?”
“Listen, some guys are into strong, dominant women. You’re a tough chick.”
“That’s right… I am a tough chick…”
“He wants to be your bitch.”
tri politic
“Next time someone accuses me of being bipolar I’m totally going to say ‘No, I’m tripolar—fuck you, I love you, please pass the salt?’” -CP
SMS
the SMS messages on my cellphone, sans senders:
- You are at church – but you could be here! (pic of Jodobird’s bountiful cleavage)
- omg. mc.
- messy xmix! miss u cbx
- big lebowski 7pm @ clinton, white russians. come!
- I’m sitting in the sun in my pajamas, and not as a method of suicide. It is a Christmas miracle! Merry Christmas!
- OMG I JUST SAW SANTA ON A MOTORCYLE
- I am online
- my place is cheaper
- my place? tinys?
- my sentiments exactly
- chicks who like asian dick?
- not like mine
I am currently at my favorite bar (Aalto Lounge). I was about to close my laptop and go to the bathroom when a girl nearby asked if she could hop online and update her MySpace page. She posted a message that read, “I’m at the Aalto, come and drink Tequila with me.” I took her celphone as “collateral.”
Fifteen minutes later, one of her friends who read the post showed up. W T F
George Zeppo Bush
I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t get into humor that makes fun of the “president.”
I used to say that it was because it was too easy—that making fun of Bush was like laughing at the retarded kid in class. But I don’t really believe that he’s stupid anymore. Delusional, of course, but not stupid.
I think it’s that following the death and unholy resurrection of irony (Sept 11, 2001, and Jan 1, 2003—shoe bomber fiasco, the day that terrorism became funny again), humor doesn’t seem to have teeth anymore.
Imagine one of those Saturday Night Live sketches where the pres is in the oval office, complaining to Cheney that his job is too hard and that he wants to go hang out at the ranch. Now remember that our president endorses the use of torture, so off to the side of the office should be some people in rags being flayed by Condaleeza Rice and Jose Ganzalez.
Well, okay, that would be funny, funny as fuck. But that’s not the kind of humor that you can distill to a bumper sticker.
